Thursday, October 20, 2011

Life Without Writing? Surely you jest.

Last week BFF posed an idea to me, she told me she wanted to do a fast, an electronics fast. She said she had felt she hadn't been giving God enough time. She wanted to focus more on her walk with God. To do this she decided to go off of facebook, and the computer in general, limit her time on the phone, no movies and no delicious books (aka romance novels.) She was to establish her thoughts and rest in the meditation of Christ.
So I basically said, "okay. When are we going to do it?" I think it's funny that I just tag myself onto her projects most of the time. It's like, she decides to do something edifying and I'm like, how can I not go along? But that's how the brothers and sisters of Christ dwell together and lift each other up. We edify each other, we encourage each other and bear one another's burdens. I love doing these sorts of things with BFF because it gives you a pal with whom to talk about your experiences as you go about them.

Let me tell you: This past week has been one awesome experience. Of which I will tell you in as much detail as I can afford. We had decided to start on Thursday, it was a Bible study night and BFF thought it seemed appropriate to begin and end with a Bible study.
We gave ourselves rules:
No Computer
No Writing
No Movies
No Wasteful Thoughts (ie on our book, movies, useless things [this wasn't written but understood])
Less Phone
Study a Book (in the Bible) Together
Study More

In addition to the fast rules, we made new rules that we would try to keep up after the fast, they were customized but these were mine:

Wake up at 7 AM
Chores and work done before noon
Read the Bible in the morning and evening
Do not abuse the weekend
Rejoice in the Lord Always!
Be content
Keep room clean
Write 1 chapter a week (when we go back to writing)
Get off phone/internet by 9
Be more productive
Pray more, in and out of Spirit

Haha, I have to admit, I didn't read this list after we made it, as I had most of them in my head. I don't remember the study in the morning and at night.

So we started it on Thursday last. The first day went by so slowly for me. I get out of bed and the first thing I do is turn on my computer. Nope, I put it aside. Certain to not turn on my computer that week unless it was necessary. I slept in 'til about 8, I think. But that's alright, it was the first day. I got all my chores done in about an hour! That was amazing! I usually drag my chores out all day, even 'til I'm about to go to bed! Why? I don't really know. But since I had to get them done in the morning, I was forced to do them. And they really didn't take all that long! This was turning out to be extreme. I went to work and was finished before noon. I then had the rest of the day to myself. What...was I supposed to do??
I can't honestly say what I did with the rest of Thursday, except I did do a Faith Tech study, as I try to make a habit out of doing an hour every Thursday (like a regular Bible study.) I remember it was too cold to paint. I went to bed early, about 10:30 I believe.

Friday was different, I woke up when I was supposed to, I think around 7:30, and got my chores and work done in a jiffy. I was starting to enjoy this routine. But it was the afternoons I found mundane, I had nothing to do!! I cleaned my room. Top to bottom. Not just a light dusting, I went through my clothes, changed out Spring for Winter, put away old clothes, organized my closet, put away my instruments I barely play (Psaltery, violin and one cello), dusted, vacuumed. Ah, my room is spotless, and I've kept it that way, and I love it!! I felt a little lost in regards to the Bible and study time. What did I study? What did I do? BFF and I decided to study Daniel, but since I'd just gone over the first four chapters with JB and my Sister, all I had to do was read over them briefly to be ready for our study. Cleaning took up a good portion of the day, anyhow and I was still doing P90X for an hour every day with Tina. I was having serious withdraws from our book. We had just finished the first part of it and were ready to delve into the second half when we cut ourselves off. It was driving me bonkers! But I persevered! I also made chili. And corn bread *smug*.

Saturday I was starting to get the hang of doing nothing. It was still a little too cold to paint so I started in on my Faith cards (you write faith down verses on index cards and then group them in little groups to do a study on faith.) And I read the Heavenly Man, a book I've been reading since the end of March. It's an awesome book. I did read a little bit of Anne's House of Dreams, as it's not strictly a romance book. But I tried to keep it to a minimum. Buddy and I spoke on the phone and she talked about the progress she was making and explained a little bit more on her goals for the week which helped straighten out small confusions on what I was supposed to be doing -- as this whole idea was hers so she knew exactly what she wanted to get out of it, since I was just going along for the ride I was like, "so what's supposed to happen?" She was trying to memorize where verses were. So I decided to try that as well.
For a while I had been trying to memorize Jude. I had had up to 7 or 8 memorized so I started working on that, too.

Sunday was good since I didn't have to work I had a little more time. Plus, it was sunny, so I started to paint some more. Ahh, painting! Such a lovely pass-time! I've started five paintings! (I've completed two <_<). We were allowed to get on Facebook if we HAD to. And each time we did we had to post a Bible verse as our status. So I checked FB on Friday and Sunday, going for an every-other-day thing. I really enjoyed life without Facebook, for the most part. I did not enjoy life without our book. It was so hard to restrict my thoughts from veering off into book-world, my writer's mind suffered, but my spiritual mind thrived! I loved this time, for the most part. Satan tried to attack both buddy and I, and we learned some good lessons as well. Tina wanted to turn in applications at the mall so I went with her. I passed Claire's and thought I might want to get a gift card for BFF's sister, who's birthday was soon. But if I did I wouldn't have enough money for my motorcycle test on Tuesday. I had gone in on Wednesday and failed, for the second time, and was due back Tuesday for the third. And I didn't have any money in my checking account to speak of. Just then, Tina said, "oh, before I forget." And handed me thirty dollars that she owed me! Praise the Lord! (and thank-you Tina!) I went to Claire's and got the gift card. I was very thankful for God's provision.

Monday I was settling into the new routine well. I love waking up in the morning, I was enjoying it soo much! However, I do not like waking up when it's still dark. I do not! But I loved the simplicity of life without the computer. I realized that, without Facebook, I didn't have anyone to complain to or tell what I was making for dinner. Whenever I had a random thought I'd jump on FB and post it in about ten seconds. I'd also update what I was cooking and such things. I couldn't decided if that was healthy or not. I enjoyed it but I also found a different point of view on a life without constantly sharing what's on your mind. It makes a person a more private being, not a withdrawn being, just private. I also realized I don't need to know what everyone's thinking every moment of my life. They can wait until tomorrow. Facebook is a tool that doesn't prevent boredom, but creates it. Think about it: Life without Facebook, boring? Or more time to think up more things to do? Ah-ha! Without Facebook around you get to decide to entertain yourselves other ways rather than sitting there, bored, staring at a screen waiting for something to change.
I was also accepting the fact that I shan't think about my book. It was easier to do this. BFF and I played a game, we quizzed each other on where Bible verses were, we tried to memorize them. It's a fun game! We also studied Daniel and talked about the Bible in general and little nuggets of wisdom we'd found through our individual studies. I had decided to start taking Mila again, it's a chia seed that's supposed to be super good for you and high in omega-3's. I need omega-3's for my dry eyes and was tired of taking fish oil. When I was on Mila before my eyes cleared up and my skin wasn't dry. So I picked it up. I realized I was running low so I asked BFF to send me some. It was 45 dollars plus any shipping she had to spend to send it to me. As it is, she sells it to me at cost, because she's super special and lovely =). But I didn't have money! I was like, "aah!!" I had just spent my money on gas and food and had my 30 dollars set aside for my license (if I got it). Plus I owed my mom 50 dollars for car insurance this month. Though these aren't money troubles, they are still on my mind sometimes, I try to put it on God's hands because He ALWAYS provides. I've learned to just be patient and live paycheck to paycheck, resting in the Lord. So, that morning, I checked my bank account and, to my astonishment, there was a hundred extra dollars!!!
Dad had given me an "allowance" of sorts for taking care of Grandma, praise the Lord, I was so excited! A hundred dollars paid for Mila AND my car insurance!

Tuesday was the day of reckoning: My motorcycle test. Last week I was so stressed and afraid I'd fail. I hadn't taken the training course since August and took my first test at the DMV over a month ago, so I forgot all about the questions I did and did not get. So I failed.
Today, Tuesday, I was nervous. But I decided that I didn't fail because God "made" me fail based on His deciding He doesn't want me to have my license. I failed because of lack of knowledge and commitment. So I told April the questions I got wrong and we memorized the answers together. I also remembered the ones I did get right. We took the attitude, "praise You if we lose, praise You if we win." from Facing the Giants. So, in the parking lot, I said, "alright, God. I praise You if I pass, I praise You if I don't." But asked Him for help just the same. I went in and waited. And waited. I picked up the hand book and scanned over the stuff and took the sample test, as well. Then, it was my turn. I wanted a new picture but couldn't get one. Happily, the old one wasn't saved so I got a new one anyway - ha! Then I went to take the test. My heartbeat was thrumming! It was an intense few minutes. I only missed three.
I was ecstatic when it announced on the screen, "passed." I jumped up and couldn't stop smiling, paid the fee, filled out the paperwork, and was issued my temporary paper license with the awesome "M" on the back by "Endorsements."
I am now a licensed motorcyclist.
This is great for me because my Grandpa, Mom, Dad and two brothers have theirs so I felt as though I ought!
Two things that are praiseworthy on my license.
Endorsements: M - Motorcycle <- Praise God I passed. But better than that was the next one
Restrictions: None <- When I had taken my eye test three or four years ago I had barely BARELY passed. This year I prayed and went in and it was a piece of cake! I had avoided going in to get my Motorcycle license before because I was afraid I might fail the test and have to use my glasses. I did NOT want a restriction on my license! Praise the Lord for helping me get through this.
I walk past my wallet on my dresser and gaze at my license with a smile, I can't believe I can just go hop on a (street legal) motorcycle and ride it down the road if I want! Ah, bliss.

Wednesday came, the last day of our fast. I woke up to an amazing sunrise that I just HAD to paint. I snapped a picture of it. I love it. It was a good morning. I love watching the sunrise, even more than the sunset I think. Little did I know, I was to be tested. Grandma had had an accident and it was not a nice one. I had her stand in the bathtub while I cleaned it up but she was in a cantankerous mood that morning which wore on my nerves. She was yelling at me, calling me a brat, not cooperating so that I could clean her. I prayed in the Spirit and Grandma settled down. Regardless, I got angry and resentful. Why couldn't she go to the bathroom like a normal person? Why couldn't she just stand calmly in the shower and allow me to clean her up? Why did she have to yell and think I was the bad guy? My attitude stank worse than what I was cleaning up.
And then, when I was finished and she was clean, I was sanitizing my shoes (don't ask) and thought of a verse in Romans six that says, "what fruit have ye in that which you are now ashamed, for the end of those things is death?" (not verbatim) That verse always runs through my mind after I lose my temper or have a bad attitude. I always feel badly when I let my Father down. Especially with Grandma, she is my personal tester, she tests me in more ways than anything else, tests my temper, my patience, my love, and selfishness (or otherwise selflessness). She is a refining tool God uses often, so when I fail in regards to her I feel the worst, usually. I've been showering and taking care of her for about three years now, I ought to know better! So I repented and said, "do it again!" It wasn't a challenge, it was a request. I wanted to be tested again, and I said that only by His grace could I pass these tests, not in my own strength. I know I can, though, as I have seen a good work in me that He's done, I used to have far less patience and was far more selfish and angry. He helps me overcome when I purpose in my heart to do so. And I have to remind myself of this, if everyone always reminds themselves of their failures I think they may just end up in self-pitying heap. You've got to encourage yourself by the things you have done right, and the fact that you can rise above a situation. My temper and patience is often tested by Grandma and I was now asking God to test me, more and more. I want it! I want to be refined! BFF and I stayed up and talked, we didn't have our book to talk about, or anything else besides God, so we talked about God in the most hilarious way (though we were not being disrespectful). We were talking about Jude and how we thought that name was a girl's name once. Then we were making up different versions of Jude. Judely, Judrea, Judril, Judelle, etc. etc. BFF struck a chord when she said, "Judens"  in regards to Pudens from the Bible. We were in an uproar of laughter, I do so love that woman! We can find anything to laugh at, even when our conversation is limited (but not limited!) to the Bible. Haha. We would almost mention our book or start to talk about it and yell, "no! no!! Turn away!!" and laugh more.
My desk as it were this week. Without the computer which was banished.
We stayed up until her (new) bedtime and I woke up, today, thinking, "yay! I get to think about our book!"
But I couldn't think a thing.

Now I find myself missing last week. Even though it was a little rough, I liked the solitude. I did. I liked filling myself up with memorizing Jude (I've still got about 5 verses to go) and praying whenever I thought to. It was a special week and I'm glad Buddy thought to do it. I shall look forward to doing it again, in the future. But, until then I will remember that every day is a fast, every day we have to choose to die to ourselves and to live in Christ. Just because I have these "liberties" back, doesn't mean I have to fall prey to them again. I can be as disciplined as I want! And I like it!
Praise the Lord, praise Him for Buddies that help lift you up, praise Him for teaching us (for whom the Lord loves, He corrects), praise Him for provision, praise Him for His unending love!


The sunrise to rival all sunrises

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