You are My Sister

After Grandma's minor stroke, or TIA as they called it, she had another *real* stroke, that wasn't a TIA, and she hasn't really recovered.
She was doing good swallowing food and water afterwards and Mom was waiting over the weekend to call the Dr. again. The Dr. said that she was fine since she could swallow and to call if anything changed. Well, that same morning, we couldn't get Grandma to wake up. Her eyes open, but she doesn't react, as if her body opens her eyes on its own but she's not alert in the least. Seeing her like this really shook me up.
To me water = life. So I was trying to get her to take as much water as possible. She had only had about two or three cups of water over the weekend and that concerned me. Mom called hospice and had a talk with them and they told her that if the body is dying, shutting down, water can do more harm than good. So, in terms of death water = not good.

Mom sat me down and explained it all and that's when it hit home, there was no saving her, Grandma was dying. For some reason I thought that, if I continued to give her water, if I kept sitting her up and getting her to cough so she wouldn't choke in the middle of the night, if I did everything possible, she might live, somehow there would be something we could do and she could come out of it. And here Mom was explaining that Grandma's body was shutting down and giving her water and food only prolonged the process and made it harder on her body. I cracked and started to cry.
This was Grandma, the persistent, cantankerous, stubborn Grandma who got on my nerves all the time! I was just starting to learn how to deal with her many moods. What business did she have in dying? She's only 94 years old. I was certain she was going to live 'til she was 100. At some points I was certain she was going to out-live ME. Death by Grandma had been my main cause of worry sometimes.

Satan has been picking at me like a chicken. He's brainless and cowardly like a chicken, too. I've felt so overwhelmed, ever since Buddy BFF left to her Grandma in the North, I've felt overwhelmed. And it's been hard without BFF there, constantly. She had worries of her own and, sadly, her Grandmother passed away last week so she was dealing with funeral plans and her own grief over losing her own Grandma. I felt like I was a zombie, I ate sugar, I couldn't think, I ate sugar. I can't believe how much sugar I ate last week. But, seriously, I walked around like a zombie. Last night I finally cried it all out and BFF finally called me and talked some sense into me--bless her dear little broken heart.

But the reason behind my post is something I think should be spotlighted. My cousin. Ever since I can really remember I've been the only girl in a house full of boys. My two older sisters moved out young, and when they were living at home (there were patches where they'd come and go) they had jobs and social lives so they weren't seen very often. So, since I was about 13 or 14 I've kind of been at it alone, me against the boys. Yikes. Since Tina moved in, though, it's been different. I have my gal pal right across the hall, always. I've become so close to her in just the two months she's been here I get so sad when I think of her leaving. See, she hasn't been able to get a job, so she's here all day, unless she goes into town for something. And since I don't have an outside job, either, I'm here all day too! So we see each other often, and it's great. She has been a comfort in these days of Grandma's illness. A little pillar of Tina-strength. I went and hugged her last night and sat on her bed and poured out my little thoughts to her and she comforted me and then we laughed a little at Friends on TV then I went about my way.
When we do P90X we laugh and make fun of the workout and have our little inside jokes about each video.
She's become a close friend.

Tonight I was reading the Bible to Grandma. The Word is living and powerful, sharper than a two-edged sword, so I figure that she can hear it better than anything else. Mom told me, tonight, that she can soak it up and hear what I am saying. That made me feel good. When I was done, Tina was in Mom's room and they were talking about my dear Aunt Susan's passing ten years ago. Aunt Susan was Tina's mother. Tina looked at me and said, "I don't like it when people die." Neither do I.. I walked to her and gave her a hug and she said, "you are my sister."
She is my sister, and I'm so thankful to have her here while we're going through all of this while my other sisters are away in other states.
We got to skip the messy parts of growing up and getting into cat fights and went straight to the awesome life-long bond between cousin-sisters.
Thank-you, God, for my sweet cousin Tina =)